|
Post by hanzrimer on Sept 9, 2009 13:31:24 GMT -5
why would you want to, and how is she really your mother beyond the fact that she gave birth to you? IMO she lost her status as "mother" when she abandoned the child, even if was for a "legitimate" reason (like being young and not having money). Because that's who you are related to, some people would like to know where they came from and what their relatives were like. I pack of Bears would raise, that doesn't make me a bear, I may like the bears more then the person who gave birth to me more, but it still doesn't make me a bear
|
|
|
Post by BulgarianMenace on Sept 9, 2009 13:51:15 GMT -5
but the bear that raised you would be more your mother than the woman that gave birth to you.
Not to mention that we're not talking about different species here.
What's the significance of blood anyway? Or "where you came from." I mean, you could say where you came from represents your culture, but really culture is not something genetic, it's learned, and if you grow up somewhere else in a different culture than the one you "came from" then that culture becomes your own and you really have no connection to the other one.
And blood means absolutely nothing. Suppose two babies were switched at birth unbeknownst to the parents, yet both babies looked similar enough to their "adopted" parents that they would never suspect they were "adopted." Would the relationship between parent and child be any different? Would they care for each other any less? (not taking into account dna testing, fingerprinting, etc; this is hypothetical situation, suspend your disbelief for a moment)
|
|
|
Post by Strider on Sept 9, 2009 14:16:36 GMT -5
Hanz, BM: Will you two just get married already?
Wotts: I hope you find your biological parents (or mother). I'd be curious myself. If not, don't beat yourself up over it. Sounds like your current situation is suiting you just fine. Your situation now is probably much better than it would have been - probably much better than some of ours.
|
|
|
Post by wottesworthsgurl on Sept 9, 2009 14:25:12 GMT -5
I would like to know what my culture is ok..anything wrong with that? And why wouldnt I want to know my birth mother?
|
|
|
Post by BURNZILLA47 on Sept 9, 2009 14:41:34 GMT -5
There is nothing wrong with wanting to find out about your biological mother. It is important however, that you try and keep a clear perspective on it and try not to set yourself up for disappointment. As long as you don't expect your bio mother to fill some kind of void in your life than you should be just fine.
|
|
|
Post by starscreamrobot on Sept 9, 2009 15:17:50 GMT -5
I'm pretty sure I don't have actual parents. Much like Serpentor, I was created from the DNA of history's most brilliant and evil strategists, from Atilla the Hun to Hitler, and also Sgt. Slaughter for no reason.
|
|
|
Post by AznLisa23 on Sept 9, 2009 15:22:26 GMT -5
Hey Wotts, I am also adopted and can understand your questions and pain. I was adopted as a baby from Korea and have lived in California ever since. People always call me a "white asian chic" because I speak and dress like well, someone from Cali lol. I have always however loved spicy food and I am good at math. Oh and I tan well. ha ha ha ;D I do want to know more about Korea though and hope to visit someday. One of the hardest thing with being adopted is I look nothing like my mother who is white/italian or my 5 siblings (although 1 of them is also adopted). As a child the schools that I attended were predominantly white. So I was always the squinty eyed weirdo. When I had my first child I started the paperwork to seek out my birth parents. I wanted to find out for medical reasons as well as personal ones. Mainly after becoming a mother myself I couldn't understand how any parent could give away their baby. For any reason. I would do anything to keep my children and take care of them. However some people are idiots as parents. The fact that our birth mothers gave us up in the first place proves that they were not capable for whatever reason. I used to dream of a happy reunion with my mother who was beautiful with long black hair and a face with eyes like mine. I thought she would tell me some story so I could forgive her. Then we could be a family and live happily ever after. But as time went by after having my own family I realized that was just a dream. And now I have a reality of a beautiful family myself. So I put all my love into my boys so they will never feel neglected or abandoned. My mother that adopted me IS my REAL mother. There is no point of ever turning in those papers as far as I'm concerned. There is NO fairytale ending to that story. So Wotts do what you feel you need to do. Just try to have realistic expectations and try to weigh the benefits with the pain. I feel for you as a young girl still in your teens. Talk to your family about it and don't forget I'm here for you in the real/fake lotr world.
|
|
|
Post by wottesworthsgurl on Sept 9, 2009 16:28:03 GMT -5
Aww lisa lol, and nah I don't dream her to tell me a story or anything and true the people I live with now are my real parents and I love them dearly I could never replace them and yeah I don't expect much from her and aren't and won't be dissapontied if things don't turn out right. It is what it is heh ! And besides god will always love me no matter what same with my parents
|
|
|
Post by redwurd on Sept 9, 2009 16:40:15 GMT -5
Awww, gulp...... Wottes & Lisa you're making me all teary eyed! I think Wottes for your young years you have a healthy attitude & mature perspective. Lisa, just wow! You are one great lady & friend to have! Gosh! Group Hug with my girls!!
|
|
|
Post by wottesworthsgurl on Sept 9, 2009 16:44:29 GMT -5
Aww thanks red as weird as you people say I am thanks
|
|
|
Post by redwurd on Sept 9, 2009 16:52:58 GMT -5
;D Hey I think your wonderfully weird! But heck Wottes SO AM I!!! Welcome to the club! Why be normal?!? Normal is for people who lack imagination and spunk! So I guess you did kinda find a long lost relative here! Hey little sis! =} !!!
|
|
|
Post by Willf_28 on Sept 9, 2009 17:00:17 GMT -5
LOL both of you are weird! Good luck with finding your biological parents... I have 1 older half sister(same mom) a younger sister and a younger brother. I would do anything for my family. My dad passed away when I was 11. So all I got left is my mom. I dont know anyone left on my dads side of the family and dont really talk to anyone on my moms side.
|
|
|
Post by wottesworthsgurl on Sept 9, 2009 17:14:36 GMT -5
Haha yeah we are all family in the long term! And I'm sorry willf D: oh yes I'm guys I'm freaking out about school work lol..forgot my homework stupid me!!
|
|
|
Post by yash3ahuja on Sept 9, 2009 17:30:28 GMT -5
Hey Wotts, I am also adopted and can understand your questions and pain. I was adopted as a baby from Korea and have lived in California ever since. People always call me a "white asian chic" because I speak and dress like well, someone from Cali lol. I have always however loved spicy food and I am good at math. Oh and I tan well. ha ha ha ;D I do want to know more about Korea though and hope to visit someday. One of the hardest thing with being adopted is I look nothing like my mother who is white/italian or my 5 siblings (although 1 of them is also adopted). As a child the schools that I attended were predominantly white. So I was always the squinty eyed weirdo. When I had my first child I started the paperwork to seek out my birth parents. I wanted to find out for medical reasons as well as personal ones. Mainly after becoming a mother myself I couldn't understand how any parent could give away their baby. For any reason. I would do anything to keep my children and take care of them. However some people are idiots as parents. The fact that our birth mothers gave us up in the first place proves that they were not capable for whatever reason. I used to dream of a happy reunion with my mother who was beautiful with long black hair and a face with eyes like mine. I thought she would tell me some story so I could forgive her. Then we could be a family and live happily ever after. But as time went by after having my own family I realized that was just a dream. And now I have a reality of a beautiful family myself. So I put all my love into my boys so they will never feel neglected or abandoned. My mother that adopted me IS my REAL mother. There is no point of ever turning in those papers as far as I'm concerned. There is NO fairytale ending to that story. So Wotts do what you feel you need to do. Just try to have realistic expectations and try to weigh the benefits with the pain. I feel for you as a young girl still in your teens. Talk to your family about it and don't forget I'm here for you in the real/fake lotr world. Lisa, I agree. There are no fairytale endings. It's life. What happens happens right? You can't control the future. It's your fate. And wotts, if you find her, remember that your foster family is more your parents then someone who abandoned you will ever be. And also Lisa, we always call Asians that here don't we? ;D
|
|
|
Post by hanzrimer on Sept 9, 2009 18:14:42 GMT -5
I would like to know what my culture is ok..anything wrong with that? And why wouldnt I want to know my birth mother? exactly, I 100% understand.
|
|